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What do you do when it seems like someone (whether you know them or not) is always more successful at doing things you do even though they didn’t have to struggle to get where they are? It hurts more when it’s someone you know. 

It’s like you feel proud of your work and everything until they do something like you and they end up doing better than you. 

I know it’s not good for me to feel envious or jealous, but what if I do? I can’t help myself except to think about something else. For example: I have tried to make Youtube videos and have become happy with how they turned out at first then I notice what I need to do to make them better and my friend makes just ONE video and it becomes more popular and appreciated in little time. 

He’s got more suscribers and views from his one video than my 7+ videos total. And I’m one of the only ones who supported him making a video in the first place. The funny thing is: I knew he would be more successful than I would before he even made the video. I just couldn’t bring myself to discourage him. Why would I? I feel like the things he does in life all turn out awesome and great while the things I do or will do will turn out crap. 

I know the whole thing about there will always be someone better and worse than you, but that doesn’t help anymore. Maybe I just need to get over myself and let it go? Maybe I just need to see myself in a different way? Or maybe I need to find comfort in the things God has given a gift for and forget about what anyone (even my friends) are good at?

Have you ever sang random parts of songs whether it was the tune or some words, but not the whole thing? And then you finally hear the song and after all that time not remembering which song it was from, you feel like it doesn’t sound like you thought?

I was thinking earlier about how sometimes someone can mess up and despite all of the crazy-good things they did and accomplished, they will mostly be remembered for that one thing they did when they messed up. I got the idea from Glee’s last episode, “Shooting Star”. 

I was realizing that it’s not just the media’s fault for always bringing up what that person did, but also everyone else’s fault. Sure, the media plays a big part in what we hear and all, but I think naturally, humans try to “villainize” one person or more even when they didn’t do a lot of things and even when we’ve done something similar. 

Basically, I think we do that because we know we do bad things too and it seems better to make someone else seem like the bad guy rather than ourselves.

I think we “villainize” these people - make them the bad guy because we want to seem like the good guy. 

Sometimes I think of myself as a hero. Sometimes I think of myself as a villain. And then there are times when I think of myself as someone stuck in the middle of everything that is something. I find myself confused at all the simplest things in life. I find that I continue to look behind me and around me as I make myself feel worse and worse for not moving forward like others. Somewhere deep inside I know everyone has moments of not moving forward too, but I still think of myself as this hopeless, un-help-able, piece of junk who’s too comfortable staying in one spot. I know so many things regarding what I do wrong, but I find myself perplexed at what I do right. 

I’ve been living like my younger self is trying to reach who I am now and I keep living the way I never wanted to. It’s like my younger self is telling me I don’t need to live this way, but I still do. 

What would I say to my younger self if i met him? How could I bring myself to tell him everything I do wrong and how different my life is compared to what I always wished it would be? Could I truly look myself in the eyes and  break the news to him that I’m living as a shadow of my former self? 

What would I say if I could go back in time to my younger self? What would be his reaction?

(via mylifeastim)

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Ain’t that the truth :/

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(via sirhobbesy)

I hate confrontation. Just now I had it and couldn’t stop shaking. I never know what to say, I just get mad and raise my voice and inside my head I’m ashamed at being so hot-headed. It’s like I want to run away (the shaking), but I also want to fight hence the anger. Then after it’s kinda over, I think of things I should have said. I think the shaking’s the worse, but also the tension which I think causes me to shake. I must be one of those few guys who wants to get along with everyone and doesn’t want to fight anyone. I think fighting might be a good way to teach the other guy respect sometimes if things are serious, but I don’t want to go around fighting people who don’t respect me. I’m shaking as I’m writing this too…just thinking about how the other person might have harmed me or killed me scares me too.

That moment of truth when someone tells you you’re boring and/or sound boring.

I like my friends and all, but it feels like they ignore me. This feeling has come up too many times for this to just be in my head…right? I keep feeling like I’m just destined to be the lonely guy in a group. I don’t want to stop being friends with them because they can make me feel loved too, but I can never shake this feeling of loneliness. I like to be alone a lot of times, but I don’t always like being lonely. Why am I such a complicated person?! >.<